Last night of the passion
Posted by Jessica on Monday, September 12, 2011 ? Leave a Comment?
Picture the scene: Saturday morning, about 8am standing in my kitchen stirring a pan of porridge (I?ve just discovered it?s so much better done this way ? instead of the microwave ? and it?s a great excuse for not multi-tasking for it has to be stirred continuously) listening to BBC Radio 3. Something I hear causes me to grab my iphone and promptly text husband who?s left the house to watch the first Rugby World Cup match, in peace. Text to husband: ?Last night of Proms tonight ? let?s tune in and watch whilst I decorate A?s ladybird cake.? Small brain murmur later and I follow up with ?Christ that was an unsexy, middle aged text I just sent you. How about?..[reader - I?ll leave this to your own imaginations] instead??
Sometimes it?s not so much the work or mothering bit of ?working motherhood? that needs our attention but the other part of our dynamic duo. So this month, with my mistaking of the Proms for a hot Saturday night, I?m shining a light on how to help our sexual relationships thrive.
The final mantra in Mothers Work! is ?Do what it takes to thrive? ? here?s a snippet:
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As well as sumptuous dinners and delicious weekends, there?s an excellent, easy, free thing you can do every day to keep your relationship thriving: positive talk. Sex works as well, for sure, but feeling a daily obligation is definitely a passion killer. Heaven help any woman whoever put love-making on her to-do list.
Marital stability expert and psychologist John Gottman has analysed the behaviour of thousands of couples (gay and straight) and found it?s possible to predict with a high degree of accuracy the relationships that will survive and those that will end, by the ratio of positive to negative comments that pass between them. The magic formula is 5:1 in relationships that last. What?s also telling is the way a couple argues and resolves conflict?
And if you liked that, here are three more ideas to stoke the fires of love and sexuality in your homes:
1) Showcase your affection in front of the children
It?s often said men get pushed into the periphery of their wives?/partners? affections when they become parents. Seeing a mother and father cuddle, embrace and hold hands in public is a beautiful sight, especially for their offspring (even in the teenage years when they may say outwardly that?s embarrassing it provides reassurance that the core of the family is strong). Now could be a great time for you to up the amount of these things you do and even make a point of putting your partner higher up the pecking order.? For instance, my husband makes a point of kissing, hugging and asking about my day before giving the children this depth of interest and affection when he comes home.
2) Do schedule it in, but only in your own mind
Although I suggest leaving sexual and sensuality off your to-do list it?s worth thinking about how and when foreplay and sex is going to happen each week. As working mothers we know it?s very easy to neglect any need or desire that isn?t hanging off your trouser leg pleading for it to be done right this minute (we never want to get to that with our partners unless it?s part of some kinky fantasy that pleases you both). Anticipation greases the wheels of desire and guides you to a place where you both feel wanted, attractive and bound together. Those who play together, stay together so the saying goes.
3) Go away for the night or stay at home minus children
When you find yourself standing on luscious velvet carpet in a room that?s fresh and ordered and you gaze upon a bath big enough for two and a king size bed bedecked with fluffed up pillows in crisp white linen, strange things can happen. Order a couple of glasses of Champagne and they?re guaranteed to happen. Grab a copy of Mr & Mrs Smith or head to www.tripadvisor.co.uk and go for it!
Back in our home the birthday cake got decorated mid-afternoon (a jaundiced, evil-looking ladybird) and we missed the Proms in favour of our own fun. Afterwards I finished Caitlin Moran?s ?How to be a woman.? I recommend both, although probably with your husband, not mine.
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Champneys & Mothers Work! Evenings
Champneys has asked me to collaborate with them and we?re hosting a couple of Mothers Work! evenings on Tuesday 19th September in Enfield and Monday 26th September in St Albans both 6-8pm. I?m hosting the talk and discussion whilst the therapists will be doing mini facials for all and demonstrations. There?ll be 50% off future treatments booked on the evening too. What?s not to like, apart from perhaps having to wangle someone?s diary to look after your children so you can get out the house? Look forward to meeting you (again) there. Personalised, signed copies of Mothers Work! on sale during the evening. To book call?020 8363 7994 (Enfield) or 01727 864893 (St Albans).
Maternity Leave Experiences Survey
Here at The Thinking Woman?s Coach we?re evolving what we do to reflect the needs and wishes of professional women returning to work after children. To do this we need stats, data and opinions and we?re asking women currently on maternity leave or who have returned to employment within the last two years to complete a survey about their experiences. There?s a ?25 incentive for the person who ?recruits? the most survey respondents. The survey is open now until the end of September. Thank you in advance for taking part and forwarding it to your colleagues and friends.
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Motheringly Yours,
Jessica
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Source: http://jessicachivers.com/2011/09/12/last-night-of-the-passion/
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